How I Became a Blended Family Star-Seeker

I'm standing on our front walk,  shivering in the night air, dressed only in my nightie. I'm waiting for the dog to say his final goodnight to the yard, a process that involves sniffing every bush and marking his property repeatedly. Like most things with dogs and small children and the elderly, the ritual takes [...]

By | 2017-06-26T14:30:58+00:00 June 26th, 2017|Other Musings, Our Life Together, Our Story|

What You Learn When You Can’t Go Home Again

The hot pavement blisters my feet the instant I step out of the car. I always kick my sandals off about an hour into the long ride, and in my hurry to get into the house, often leave them forgotten on the floorboards. The children stream out of the car, noisy and excited, running in and around [...]

By | 2017-06-15T09:36:52+00:00 June 15th, 2017|Divorce, Other Musings, Our Story|

A Love Letter to All Stepdads (and Especially My Husband)

I see you, you know. I see you watching my sixteen year-old son, waiting for the right time to offer your help. He's at our kitchen table, hands woven through his curly hair, struggling with an advanced math problem that would be easy for you. I see you carefully weighing the value of that help with [...]

To The Woman Who Called Me Sanctimonious and Lustful: Thank You (Yes, Really)

Last week, I finished a client session, returned to my desk and found this letter waiting in my inbox. "Dear Kate, You may love your kids more than you hate your ex, but please, do not allow yourself to be sanctimonious about it. Some people divorce because their spouse becomes physically abusive to them or [...]

By | 2017-06-04T12:30:09+00:00 June 2nd, 2017|Other Musings|

The Secrets I Keep and The Battle I’m Fighting

It happened again recently. A woman approached me after hearing me speak and said, "I know my situation is much worse than yours was, but..." She went on to describe a situation that closely mirrored one Gabe and I faced last year.  This well-intentioned woman assumed that because I hadn't addressed that specific issue in the [...]

What it REALLY Means to Love Like a Mother

She stands in the kitchen looking at me. Her hair is stringy and needs to be brushed. She’s shifting from side to side uncomfortably, unsure of what I’m doing there or what to say. Her brother overdosed last night. Her mother is my good friend, and the swirling vortex of grief and community sucked me [...]

By | 2017-06-13T15:42:33+00:00 May 11th, 2017|Other Musings, Our Story, Stepparenting|

Ready to Give Up on The Whole Dang Thing? Hang On and Try This

Last week, I worked late into the night, letting my thoughts drift to all the unorganized cobwebby corners of my mind as I typed. I decided to cut my hair short. I decided to quit blogging. I also decided to buy a new washing machine, talk to my ex about updating our child support calculation [...]

Newsflash: Your Kid’s Current Weirdness? It’s Not About You

To All The Running Late, Overwhelmed, Skipped Breakfast and Lunch Moms and Dads: Here’s the thing: you’re not omnipotent. I know this comes as a shock to you, given all the awesome power you actually do possess. Locating a lone lost ballet slipper in the Lego bucket minutes before class, magicking dinner from an egg, [...]

By | 2017-06-13T15:44:50+00:00 April 14th, 2017|Divorce, Other Musings|

That Time We Forgot All About Our Good Intentions

We're going to need a do-over. We started January with the best of intentions. Drunk off cookies and chocolate milk and those delicious mini hot dogs in puff pastry, we were going to return to eating fruits and veggies and lean proteins. We were going to return to bedtime routines and getting plenty of rest. [...]

By | 2017-01-19T11:19:41+00:00 January 19th, 2017|Other Musings, Our Bunch, Our Story|

Love is a Battlefield: 5 Wars I’m Waging With My Husband

Gabe and I are in love. We snuggle sleepily in bed in the mornings, text sweet nothings to each other during the workday, and slow dance in our kitchen at night after the kids are in bed.  We think similarly and are on the same side of many of the issues that plague partnerships: how we [...]

By | 2017-01-12T23:17:18+00:00 January 13th, 2017|Other Musings, Our Love Story, Our Story|